Secrets to Successful Families

Reviewed by: Imran Mogra, Birmingham, UK

Published by: London: Ta-Ha Publishers Ltd, 2023, 159pp. ISBN: 978-1915357106.

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Afshan Khan is a qualified counsellor and founder of Sukoon Healing. She has written a series of three books on family related matters. This book relates to raising successful families.

In the face of a troubled marriage, most spouses blame finance, beauty, in-laws, parenting and so on and so forth. Although in some cases these are contributing factors, according to the author, they are secondary reasons concealing a deep- rooted problem – the past. She posits that one’s past is a combination of one’s upbringing, experiences, and relationship with one’s parents, siblings and wider society as one grows up. Through these relationships, one forms core beliefs that one carries through into adulthood. The person that one is today is the result of everyone and everything that has been in one’s life, and it is this that cements one’s core beliefs.

The author is concerned about couples and the whole community. In moving forward, she suggests that marital relationships, parenting styles, attachment and bonding all reflect unique ways of upbringing. Considering this, it is inevitable that any social pressures, financial difficulties, mental health issues, trauma, betrayal or loss that were experienced by the elder generations would have fused into the genetic makeup of people’s conduct. This is called emotional baggage (p.11). Khan counsels spouses and the community to break this vicious cycle of emotional behaviour and take steps to self-compassion and self-care. This praiseworthy vision is outlined in six chapters.